Trust is like a purr
Echoing through your being
An undiscovered certainty
In all that has
In all that is
In all that will
Held like a heartbeat
Allowed to flicker its tiny flame
Without fearing burn
Saturday, May 7, 2016
Sunlight vs. Soil? (When Victimhood becomes Victim Mentality? Compassion vs. Empowerment)
It's so easy to look at someone who's doing not so well in their life and say, "Come on! Take control of your life" or, "You are completely in control of how you react to things." Or in Shia LaBeouf's words, "JUST DO IT." But I question... Undoubtedly there are people that continue to be the victim because of there's something they are gaining from it (pity and attention, because they desperately need love). However, others not so much. Others remain because they are retaining something within it (like safety).
What causes victim mentality? Why do people continue to feel powerless to their lives and others? And, what's the difference between someone who is ready to take those steps into empowerment (like taking responsibility), and who needs the softer touch of understanding and compassion for what has occurred.
Powering over what's happened can be, well, empowering. But likewise, it can be a way to dismiss or try to ignore how something made you feel. This leads not to empowerment, but a 'strong-front'. It is bypassing. It is a mask.
A person in such extreme hurt, pain, fear, anger, and powerlessness is not going to benefit from someone telling them "Well it's your life, just make it different." In fact, this snags them even more deeply that they have to "just do it." It's similar to telling someone, "Just choose to be happy!" Because trust me... if happiness were that easy everyone would be happy. But likewise, victim mentality can obviously keep you feeling victim to things in your life and searching for others to fix it or pity you.
How can we distinguish between these two crucial and important steps in understanding emotions, where someone is, and what will benefit them moving forward?
I haven't found my answer yet, as I'm constantly having to try things myself to figure out what is the right 'medicine' so to speak based on where I'm at. But I'm here to contemplate...
All pain is valid, all deserves compassion and attention, this is true, but it is likewise true that some of us have deeper traumas than others and ones which are more intense. It's not an "I've been through more than you! Hah!" sort of thinking... but at a certain point the deepest of wounds such as these require a different antidote than more minor ones.
I think that on the deepest level, both with ourselves and others, validation and compassion where wounding has occurred is the first step. We cannot feel a sense of empowerment over ourselves and how we feel until we have shown ourselves loving kindness. For everyone, and especially relative to the situation, this will be different.
Going within myself when I feel terrible can be a great tool to understanding from where the trauma derives. However, I've also realized lately that I can only do this when I'm in a certain state and it's made me wonder why. Part of it, is of course, that I have to really want to do this process. I'm very good at forcing myself to do things that I don't like because I think it's somehow benefitting me. I believe this is still something I need to work on. There are times toward this process that my attitude is similar to a child that's at the dinner table and the parent says, "Eat your vegetables!" It's like my mind goes, "Do this process if you know what's good for you, and don't argue!"
Sometimes when emotions are so intense and so overpowering for me, there are times I can't calm my mind down enough to let it just be the emotion and me. Even when there aren't exactly 'thoughts' there... there is a kind of static and chaotic movement of energy. I'm not going to draw definite conclusions about this, or say that there's no way to calm this down so that I may sit with my emotion. I just haven't found them yet.
Other times, even the process of diving in makes me anxious. I start to quiet, but then I get anxious as I'm in that quiet. I'm not sure how to explain it, but it feels akin to a sense of dying for me. Not that I've died of course...
So, now I'm here trying to figure out what I should do about these emotions when I can't dive into them. This brought me to the questioning of what approach is needed--that of gentle compassion, or a leader for empowerment. And even more, what type of compassion or empowerment? Is it both more compassionate and empowering at times, to let yourself go in the direction of relief? Or doing so by positively focusing on something that calms you to a place of togetherness?
Perhaps, when others offer us understanding, compassion, and validation from these deep and intense states, it it the medicine that will move us up the latter so that we may face our problems from an improved state of mind. In the same way, when we allow ourselves to take measures of positively focusing, then we can bring ourselves to a place where we can explore the emotion in a way that feels safe and even more compassionate and understanding to us. And thus, more beneficial long-term.
I think that when, however, we reach this state and don't take the measures to learn from the emotions that are coming to us, we continue to be the more standard definition of 'victim mentality'. It is these individuals that need a sense of understanding, with a dose of encouragement to find their own power and control, rather than be spoon-fed.
I find that I may just have the opposite problem than what is more typically done when it comes to understanding my emotions. I won't draw sweeping generalizations, of course. Although, I do feel that it's more common for people to choose positive focus or external things to overwrite their other feelings. Sometimes, my psyche brings up the opposite effect... I put emotions and working through above anything else. But this, too, can be out of balance. When I take action that feels good and relieving, calming, and beneficial... my mind starts to say, "Hey, and look at you using external reality to feel better! Psh!" For what reason? I don't think my mind believes, yet, that it has the ability to feel better. Or choose what it let's itself feeling.
I need to let myself go toward what feels good, so that I may train my mind that I do have power over my emotions. Then, my negative emotions, even when strong, I will be choosing to stay and sit with them rather than because I think I have to or because there's no way out of it and I'm trapped.
Antidote for my vibration: Softer, gentler compassion and understanding. Self-Soothing.
What causes victim mentality? Why do people continue to feel powerless to their lives and others? And, what's the difference between someone who is ready to take those steps into empowerment (like taking responsibility), and who needs the softer touch of understanding and compassion for what has occurred.
Powering over what's happened can be, well, empowering. But likewise, it can be a way to dismiss or try to ignore how something made you feel. This leads not to empowerment, but a 'strong-front'. It is bypassing. It is a mask.
A person in such extreme hurt, pain, fear, anger, and powerlessness is not going to benefit from someone telling them "Well it's your life, just make it different." In fact, this snags them even more deeply that they have to "just do it." It's similar to telling someone, "Just choose to be happy!" Because trust me... if happiness were that easy everyone would be happy. But likewise, victim mentality can obviously keep you feeling victim to things in your life and searching for others to fix it or pity you.
How can we distinguish between these two crucial and important steps in understanding emotions, where someone is, and what will benefit them moving forward?
I haven't found my answer yet, as I'm constantly having to try things myself to figure out what is the right 'medicine' so to speak based on where I'm at. But I'm here to contemplate...
All pain is valid, all deserves compassion and attention, this is true, but it is likewise true that some of us have deeper traumas than others and ones which are more intense. It's not an "I've been through more than you! Hah!" sort of thinking... but at a certain point the deepest of wounds such as these require a different antidote than more minor ones.
I think that on the deepest level, both with ourselves and others, validation and compassion where wounding has occurred is the first step. We cannot feel a sense of empowerment over ourselves and how we feel until we have shown ourselves loving kindness. For everyone, and especially relative to the situation, this will be different.
Going within myself when I feel terrible can be a great tool to understanding from where the trauma derives. However, I've also realized lately that I can only do this when I'm in a certain state and it's made me wonder why. Part of it, is of course, that I have to really want to do this process. I'm very good at forcing myself to do things that I don't like because I think it's somehow benefitting me. I believe this is still something I need to work on. There are times toward this process that my attitude is similar to a child that's at the dinner table and the parent says, "Eat your vegetables!" It's like my mind goes, "Do this process if you know what's good for you, and don't argue!"
Sometimes when emotions are so intense and so overpowering for me, there are times I can't calm my mind down enough to let it just be the emotion and me. Even when there aren't exactly 'thoughts' there... there is a kind of static and chaotic movement of energy. I'm not going to draw definite conclusions about this, or say that there's no way to calm this down so that I may sit with my emotion. I just haven't found them yet.
Other times, even the process of diving in makes me anxious. I start to quiet, but then I get anxious as I'm in that quiet. I'm not sure how to explain it, but it feels akin to a sense of dying for me. Not that I've died of course...
So, now I'm here trying to figure out what I should do about these emotions when I can't dive into them. This brought me to the questioning of what approach is needed--that of gentle compassion, or a leader for empowerment. And even more, what type of compassion or empowerment? Is it both more compassionate and empowering at times, to let yourself go in the direction of relief? Or doing so by positively focusing on something that calms you to a place of togetherness?
Perhaps, when others offer us understanding, compassion, and validation from these deep and intense states, it it the medicine that will move us up the latter so that we may face our problems from an improved state of mind. In the same way, when we allow ourselves to take measures of positively focusing, then we can bring ourselves to a place where we can explore the emotion in a way that feels safe and even more compassionate and understanding to us. And thus, more beneficial long-term.
I think that when, however, we reach this state and don't take the measures to learn from the emotions that are coming to us, we continue to be the more standard definition of 'victim mentality'. It is these individuals that need a sense of understanding, with a dose of encouragement to find their own power and control, rather than be spoon-fed.
I find that I may just have the opposite problem than what is more typically done when it comes to understanding my emotions. I won't draw sweeping generalizations, of course. Although, I do feel that it's more common for people to choose positive focus or external things to overwrite their other feelings. Sometimes, my psyche brings up the opposite effect... I put emotions and working through above anything else. But this, too, can be out of balance. When I take action that feels good and relieving, calming, and beneficial... my mind starts to say, "Hey, and look at you using external reality to feel better! Psh!" For what reason? I don't think my mind believes, yet, that it has the ability to feel better. Or choose what it let's itself feeling.
I need to let myself go toward what feels good, so that I may train my mind that I do have power over my emotions. Then, my negative emotions, even when strong, I will be choosing to stay and sit with them rather than because I think I have to or because there's no way out of it and I'm trapped.
Antidote for my vibration: Softer, gentler compassion and understanding. Self-Soothing.
Artists... How to 'fun'?
Although there are interactive forms of art that occur between many people, art is for the most part pretty introspective. For this reason, my personal artistic endeavors are taken solo and I spend a lot of time alone. These periods, although I love art, can be intense. It can be hard to be 'social' or 'have fun' when you're trying to finish time-consuming paintings and building things, and then destroying them some and building them up again.
So! Today I'm here to show some ways I spend social and fun time and as an artist.
1. Have an existential crisis with a friend.
2. Do psychotic portraiture of a friend.
3. Give 'girly' a chance.
4. Eat at Chinatown at 3am. Yeah, I know... I'm working on the sleeping thing. Maybe I'm nocturnal?
5. Perform life-saving surgery to a plant covered in plaster.
6. Find free cool abandoned works.
7. Take photos of everything pretty.
8. Bake bread at 2am (with bulk-bought organic flour).
9. Go to the hospital (erm...not really, though...).
10. Just be weird. Just do it, especially late at in elevators when no one's looking (or so you think, who cares anyway?).
11. Go on a date with a mannequin.
So! Today I'm here to show some ways I spend social and fun time and as an artist.
1. Have an existential crisis with a friend.
3. Give 'girly' a chance.
4. Eat at Chinatown at 3am. Yeah, I know... I'm working on the sleeping thing. Maybe I'm nocturnal?
5. Perform life-saving surgery to a plant covered in plaster.
6. Find free cool abandoned works.
7. Take photos of everything pretty.
9. Go to the hospital (erm...not really, though...).
10. Just be weird. Just do it, especially late at in elevators when no one's looking (or so you think, who cares anyway?).
12. Have your friends help shave your head.
13. Eat weird foods to see if you like them any more this time around. (Surprisingly, I did! Presenting to you... natto! なっと)
And...
14. Don't let the world change you. This is your journey!
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