Without Umbrellas or Rain Boots (Fear, Strength and Pride)

After an exhausting day, I had spiritual work that needed to be done. It still isn't all cleared yet, but I worked on my Solar Plexus with yoga and painting. During corpse pose, I realized that I had opened it some, but I felt a great deal of resistance. Even still some as I write this, but I am hungry and that is a wound I'm still working with.

I did a breathing exercise to release some of this resistance, and it lessened, but there was an unsure or confused feeling there. It was as if it were hesitant to embrace empowerment. I let my mind clear and bring forth some memories related to this chakra. Then, an entire plethora of images came rushing in. The most dominant ones? They were about fear and strength.

I remembered visiting another waterpark with my sisters (outdoors), where we went in the wave pool. I had always feared deeper water, for no reason really (I hadn't drowned or anything of the like when I was little). But when we went in the wave pool, I felt this impulse to go to the 6 ft where the waves were coming out. When I asked this version of me why, they said, "Because I'll become stronger, I'll face my fears and overcome them." Thinking on that for a bit, I began to recall other memories of the like, where facing fear meant I was strong, and was even rewarded for it.

I had been involved in swim team when I was really young. I recalled specifically a time when I was 5 or so, and we were at a swim meet at another club. The pool had a depth of 12ft, and it terrified me. I was crying to *******  that I didn't want to, and about how scared I was. She responded with, "Well, think about how proud of yourself you'll feel once you do it!" I won't say there wasn't validity to her statement. But it wasn't just pride after I forced myself to swim the length. (I ended up getting one of the first place ribbons, maybe because I swam so fast out of fear.) It was relief.

I took this child into a visualization with me, before swimming the tournament. I approached her, and asked her, "Do you want to swim in this pool?" She didn't answer. I said, "No matter what you do or don't do, I will always be proud of you. What you feel is more important to me than what you accomplish." Then, I asked her again, "Do you want to swim in this tournament?" She said, "No, but..." and I said, "It's ok, you don't need to prove yourself or anything to me. You are wonderful, even if you don't want to swim in the pool." She looked up at me and smiled and I hugged her. I carried her on my side as we left the place and went to get food.

Again, when I did horseback riding tournaments, I ended up getting a 3rd and 5th place and felt great shame afterwards. I had let my team down. I was also criticized for having eaten blue candy before riding because blue lips 'wouldn't impress the judges'. This childhood self was feeling really bad for this, because she only wanted to enjoy herself but ****** got mad. I told her something similar to the previous vision, and she mentioned the candy, to which I said, "There may have been better timing, but you aren't wrong for wanting to eat candy! In the end, it's not so important. Enjoying yourself is more important than winning or gaining the judges approval." And off we went for Chinese food... (Really really trying to solve this stomach trauma, haha.)

I question whether putting ourselves in the very situation we are terrified of is actually beneficial. Exposure therapy may have great benefits, but this scenario is different. Instead of finding out why it won't harm us, we plunge ourselves in the middle of it all in the name of feeling 'strong'. It an attempt to feel self worth. And instead of feeling actually less afraid, we just end up feeling highly tense. We impose unneeded stress on ourselves, and then we feel relief.

I realize I still have this modality today. When something comes along that scares me, I've always thought, "Come on, do it! Prove you're strong!" When I'm challenged, I tend take the challenge no matter what I feel about it. Since listening more deeply to my emotions, saying no when I'm afraid has been a challenge itself--and a better one to face at that.

Forcing yourself or someone else into something is not loving. Everything should come as a result of intention and inspiration. We have to be gentler when we are afraid, and in our own time come to find love for that which we are fearing through understanding.

Once you love something, you can no longer fear it.

But we don't learn to love or overcome something simply by telling ourselves or someone else to do so. We can choose to be softer, and gentler or harsher and forceful.

Perhaps the single most important identifier in whether or not you do something to enhance your self-worth from a place of lack (rather than self-loving action), is whether or not you do it to 'prove' something to the world or others, or do it because it feels good and you like it.

In The Dawn of Spring

Awaken to the see the reflection

Of silver clouds on the city bank out the window,

Drawn entirely in grey

Sheepishly a person lay on their back

In surrender to this colorless scheme

The sound of the city swallowed

Not by car horns and the trains rumble,

But the even louder and subtler

Ringing of solemn dread

Only one word reaches their feeble mind:

Work.

As if time could move no slower

One sock, two sock.

Pants. Shirt.

Jacket. Shoes.

They sling their backpack on one shoulder

And meddle their way to work,

Walking along the paved paths and city blocks

The busy streets soundless

In the weary silence of their soul

Why am I alive?

Up the stairs, and they sit, at work

Tired and lonely as they are,

They sink deep into the dark grey

Emanating from their being

Heavier and heavier they go,

And the tired and more tired they feel

Closing their eyes now,

In full allowance to the darkness of the world,

They suddenly feel a great warmth

Creep up from depths of their ocean’s heart

It seeps into their skin from an outside light

So bright, that no shadow is to be discovered.

Bathed and drenched dry in the heat of the universe

They cocooned their soul like the small child they are

Energy of cherry blossom pink, and copper and golden peach,

Encompassing them in a world of change

Curled into the lap of sovereign peace,

Their eyes open once more in full renewal

Color begins to flood the room

As each speck comes into light

They suddenly renew

Like a flower bud long held closed

Ready to bloom with the dawn of spring

Anticipating Hurricanes (Guilty of Honesty)

I've realized I still have a great deal of guilt attached to talking openly about my childhood. I suppose it's fear as well. My psyche somehow believes that by being open and honest about what it's gone through, that it will be punished or scolded for it. It's afraid of being looked at and someone saying, "You're just making it worse than it was! Stop making things up..." In many ways, it's a very real guilt/fear. But in another way I almost laugh at it a little. Because... if only I had made it up! How nice that would be... and how much easier to work through. Part of this comes prom the modality of people saying, "Well, you're just looking for attention" or "You attracted it" which is the absolute worst thing you can say to someone in pain. That aside, fine... let's say someone is 'making it up for attention', it's important to consider what sort of thing drove someone to the point that they needed attention that badly.

My guilt or shame is what one might call "toxic guilt/shame" that is unreasonable. Such as feeling bad or guilty about things that I didn't do, or even happened to me. This is common in childhood traumas. I think part of the problem, however, is that we section people off into this "childhood abuse/trauma" group when in actuality so so so many people have unhealed traumas. Even if it's on a different level than another's, I think we have a pretty bad habit of measuring one person's pain against another. It's when people tell us it could've been worse and we have no right to complain that makes it worse. Yes, there are pains and ills we have not yet bear, but does that discount the pain you currently are experiencing?

When people tell us our pains are less than others, it adds guilt to the pain we are already feeling. I believe people make such assertions because they themselves have unresolved pains as well. Telling people their pain is not real is not a state of openness, love, and empathy.

Some may be liberated from their worries by being grateful for not having to worry about some things that are far worse for others, i.e. setting the dinner table for a party vs. scavenging for food. This is great! But it's a step above deeply seated pains. I feel we can only embrace this type of gratitude when we have acknowledged our pain and let it be ok to feel. Obviously and honestly, it's important to count our blessings... but not to escape or discount our feelings.

But imagine a scenario where a young girl grows up with a mother that is constantly critical. She may not have grown up being physically or sexually abused. Without any other input from adults or higher figures, that pain is not acknowledged as 'real' or 'valid'. Then, she begins to talk with a friend about the criticism she's received from her mother and her friend says, "Well, there are kids starving in Africa. I mean, it could be worse." And then she feels angry because it feels like her pain isn't 'valid' or 'real' and she should just "stop it". But we cannot just "stop" ourselves from feeling something we are. We can distract ourselves, but that doesn't rid of it.

I think this is a great scapegoat to connecting with others. We have to remember the level at which people are thinking so that we can relate. When someone is going through something, they cannot be pushed to see, feel, or acknowledge a larger reality when they are not ready.

Understanding another's pain (whether they are actually traumatized or seeking attention) creates amazing emotional awareness that informs us of that person where they've been. It allows us to not discount anything, and become softer with others. It allows for love rather than condemnation. (Although I must say, if you feel hatred, disapproval, or disgust for someone/something, that is valid to feel as well! We only need to understand where that comes from within us.)

So, we should stop grouping pain together in little sections of 'more' or 'less', and start to acknowledge what everyone goes through no matter how 'large' or 'small'.

If unconditional love is the highest state we can be in, it is the opposite to withhold it based on what someone has or hasn't been through.

Perhaps it is assumptions like these, and the scapegoats so often used in our world that perpetuates this "toxic guilt/shame" toward even speaking about our pain. By first acknowledging each other's and our own experiences as 'valid' and 'important' no matter what, it means we are becoming good and sensitive listeners.

Aside from what others think, it's even more important that we allow ourselves to acknowledge our pain. We can sit and be with ourselves in what we are feeling.

Magnitude 1.0 (Understanding Minor Childhood Traumas: Shame/Anger)

Raising children is not easy. It's so easy for parents to allow their own emotions and reactions to affect their children because children take it personally. Since the children are dependent on their parents, and since the parents are 'so-much-larger' than us... it's easy to make any parent's action or reaction about us.

Today as I felt a pang of anxiety (for the things I have to do), I also felt some shame. This is in part due to the belief that my worth is only valued by productivity.

Feeling this, I sought to reach out and understand it through a healing meditation. To which, I am now feeling some relief, but to work through my thoughts toward the event I have come here to write about healing. And about how to re-parent our inner child when we've never raised a child!

My feeling of shame brought up a memory from when I was a child, as the healing meditation I used is meant to dive backward to where the emotion derives from.

When my stepsisters and I visited a community pool/water park. We were having fun, and then we decided that we would get ice cream. As ***** went up to get us some, we all looked at the glass that was atop the kid's table we were at. We noticed it spins and laughed. We noticed we could put our finger under it a little. Except... when we all did a very bad thing happened. The glass broke in two and nearly everyone looked at us. *****, after noticing, came back to the table and started yelling at us. I can't remember what they said, other than it may've been along the lines, "I can't go anywhere with you guys! What were you thinking? Look at what you did!" After arriving back home, ******* (who I wasn't incredibly fond of for their serious and harsh approach as it felt) lined us up and said we were writing letters of apology to the park, and they gave us each three spankings before we went up to write. I lay there in my bed feeling like a terrible, terrible child. However, as I wrote I also felt anger.

Diving into these feelings, I found my inner child and saw what it was feeling. I stepped outside the scene to try and see it more objectively. I saw what was happening more clearly and then I approached the child. I approached the child, but it didn't trust me. The feeling she had was, "Who are you? You think you're so much smarter than me, you don't know what I'm going through. Stop treating me like a kid. You're an outsider, you don't know what's going on. Why should I trust you?"

In other words, my childhood self saw me as a threat. It saw me as judging it for what it was feeling and where it was. She saw me as if I were thinking I was larger than her and thinking I was better than her, and thought I 'knew what was best for her'. Little did I know I hadn't chosen what form to approach her in! She was reacting because I hadn't given myself a form comfortable enough to her. I asked the deeper part of that child what it would need to trust the guide approaching it. As it came up, it had to be myself and not only did it have to be myself, but I had to tell her that I was her. I also first assumed a younger form (her age) to show her this, then showed her my larger form. She then became open, knowing now that I was but a reflection of herself and was completely compassionate and understanding to where she was.

We walked through the event of what happened. As ***** walked back to the table and began yelling, I paused the scene and pointed out to her that others were staring. I told her, "***** is reacting angrily because they are embarrassed. They are punishing their children because they want to feel 'good' and 'right' to those around them. They are afraid of judgment. What they are saying and how they are saying it is coming from their own feelings about what is occurring." We went forward to the spanking and the letters. I again said to her, "This is a reflection of how your parents have learned punishment is the correct behavior to take when children make a mistake because that is how they grew up." As we went forward again to her feeling angry, I told her that it was perfectly valid that she felt that way. I sat down with her on the bed as she felt both shame and anger and stroked her hair and face. (Surprisingly, I've realized I was touch deprived and she really needed physical affection.) However, I am still seeking to understand why she felt this anger. (Since this is back when I actually let myself feel anger, haha... Due to other traumas, anger eventually became unacceptable in my psyche)

So many people will narrow this down in children and teenagers to 'pure rebellion'. But children and teenagers don't rebel unless they feel that there's something they need to rebel against. What makes a child feel the need to rebel against something is when their own integrity and sense of self feels threatened. Instead of feeling powerless, anger is a manifestation of feeling the need to protect, justify, and take power in any way we can... This is why anger is the response to boundary violations.

Looking at the situation, what may've inspired the reaction of anger was that I felt my boundary had been violated. The emotional boundary that defined my own happiness and curiosity was violated by being punished for it. She may've seen it as having to apologize for being 'curious', or upset that her parents thought she would ever break something on purpose. She may've also been angry because--ah, yes I can feel it now--because being punished told her there was something 'bad' about her rather than the action that wasn't good. It made her bad for performing the action, rather than seeing the mistake of what happened. She was angry because she was hurt that her own parents would believe or think that about her. Shame is about being wrong, while guilt is about doing wrong.

One thing that prevents us from moving on from shame the most is misunderstanding that how we were treated when we made mistakes makes us wrong. Anger likewise comes from this misunderstanding that our parents are trying to devalue us. Punishment is a result of societal constructs, and parents reacting in less-than-loving ways to events that occur. Current parenting methods tend to add punishment to mistake, which only adds a sense of shame and devaluation. In reality, the mistake should itself be the teacher for what should be done better. To this extent, we can explain to children lovingly why some things are not a good course of action so that they can learn to see and understand the better paths, rather than raise children who are obedient that have a terrible sense of self-worth.

Mistakes are themselves the teacher, not punishment. Mistakes are only made because we don't think it will be a mistake.

Reparenting our inner child is an intense process because it truly is as if we are becoming a parent. This is so important, however, if we want to truly raise a child. We will remember and understand what children feel, expect, and react to. We will not repeat the cycle of socialization that raises children to adopt negative beliefs and expectations about the world they live in. We will raise children that do not suffer from panic or stress to meet expectations. We will raise children that have a sense of identity, worth, and purpose in the world.

Most importantly, we must remember that we have much to learn and remember from children. We make the mistake of thinking children are unknowledgeable and helpless. Measure wisdom, knowledge, and expansion in experiences, not in age or years.

Peace and love.

Sunny with A Chance of Escapism (Loving Decisions vs. Escapism)

Making loving decisions for the highest benefit are at the heart of true self-improvement. We experience contrast, negative circumstances and what is unwanted that give rise to our understanding of what we do want. Letting ourselves go in the direction of that is called self-love.

We hear and see that teachers will express profound, but albeit contradictory truths. These are relative to where someone is in life. Although both true in many cases, the factor of 'benefit' will depend on how that truth relates to the individual.

On one level, allowing ourselves to indulge in exactly what we need in the moment is self-loving as we are letting ourselves go in the direction of relief. On another level, some of these 'instant gratification' decisions come with unwanted drawbacks and there are greater loving decisions to be made.

How can we know if we are manifesting temporary relief, or making solid, life-changing, self-loving decisions? How can we distinguish a self-loving decision or one that employs emotional escapism?

First lets talk about escapism.

Escapism is to escape reality. If life is an emotional rollercoaster, escapism also means that you are escaping from the unwanted emotions in your life.

Why is this a problem? Escapism causes you to deny your negative emotions and suppress them, never really dealing with or confronting them. When these emotions aren’t dealt with, it’s like a pot that’s boiling over, which allows a plethora of other unhealthy ways of managing your emotions.

Many people make decisions that come with drawbacks to meet their needs. A person feels apathy toward life because they have adopted the beliefs:

My emotions are not valid and important.

From that space of emotional lack, they have a deep sense of emptiness and hopelessness. To escape this feeling, they do absolutely anything that will distract themselves and so they stay inside all day, do not take care of their body, and use substances that will induce alterations to their mind.

Or perhaps the reason we are driven to involve escapist strategies have more to do with treating the symptoms of our lower emotional states.

For instance, someone holds the core belief: I am not enough. To feel a sense of worth (based on their experience of socialization), they use productivity to feel value. They make decisions to feel a sense of value (i.e. taking on more than they can handle), and then the symptom emotion of stress appears. This causes them to smoke and drink to cope with their stress.

We cannot stop ourselves from wanting relief, nor can we force ourselves to make changes and decisions we are not yet ready for. I remember reading another blog a while back about a girl who binge-ate. This girl experienced incredible shame after doing so, but then to feel better she would eat more, and so the cycle repeated. Truth of it is, when we are already feeling terrible about ourselves, the last thing we need to do is add shame to the list. In this sense, accepting our decisions even if they are not yet the highest of self-loving choices, reliefs of us the added stress to change. We cannot punish ourselves into behavior that will benefit us (Teal Swan).

One question that comes up when we consider this scenario is: But what if we become too comfortable in our acceptance of 'where we are'? Children are not born wanting to live in states that come with drawbacks. It is through life and those events that occur, that makes such options seem like the only one that could offer possible relief. The human mind's primary drive is one to avoid pain and find pleasure. When people live in ways which are a detriment to them, it is because that is what they learned is safe. It may've felt unsafe for them mentally, emotionally, physically to move toward betterment.

People make the mistake of thinking that if someone hasn’t moved ahead in life, that they are content without any further expansion, but this is not the case. They are stuck because they are too afraid to continue their growth. They are stuck because even if some of these individuals give a façade, deep down they feel powerless to themselves and their lives. A disposition of acceptance and pride may in fact cover up for the deep lack of it.

Some people look at others who may feel stuck in life, apathetic, resistant to change and decide that they need to be pushed into better behavior. But this too may be detrimental. Would you want to do something because someone told you to ‘for your own good,’ or do something because you are inspired to do it? Pushing someone may get the desired action, but because it doesn’t feel good to be forced into something, the emotional space from which they were previously acting remains the same.

The first step for us... is to understand and accept where we are. 

I've found that many people, by learning to accept where they are and what feels like relief in that moment, do not become comfortable with living that way. They just reduce the stress and tension to change so that they may instead feel inspired. When they allow themselves relief, they will eventually find interest in what will feel like greater relief. Many times, this involves making decisions to change.

Ask yourself: 

Do I pile shame upon my already pre-existing negative vibration?

If I allowed myself to fully allow myself relief, even if the habits are not my end goal, what bad thing would happen?

If this is the most self-loving decision to where I am and what I feel in this moment, what can I do to allow myself to accept that action?

Does making this less than beneficial decision really detract from my worth as a person or the meaning of my life?

Then, when you do and are ready to make more solid changes from a state of inspiration and not force, ask yourself the following questions:

What are the underlying reasons that this decision (which comes with drawbacks) feels like the most self-loving decision I can make?

How can I give myself love and compassion for the underlying cause?

In what ways can I embrace a higher empowerment?

What are some small steps I can take?

It's important to not fall into the trap of the "never again." While for some this may work as a form of empowerment, and this is fine... for many of us it leads us into even greater shame if it does happen again. Instead, from your higher state, choose to fully understand and accept anywhere you are emotionally, and that you will take the steps that are aligned with self-love and self-care from that very vibration. The "never again" trap is one reason people relapse so dramatically and so frequently. They begin to shame themselves for taking poor action from a negative vibration and them start the entire process over again by feeding the root lower vibration (the one which began it all).

Remember: Your actions and decisions do not rule how in alignment you are with your life goals and your happiness, your emotions do.

...and at that, your suppressed emotions too. ;) 

Actions and decisions are only the symptoms or byproduct of our current vibration. Accept that whatever the behavior is, it may occur again and this is ok. Change always takes time. A storm must roll over until the sun may again shine.

How to Stop Creating Thunderstorms? (How to Stop Suffering?)

Perhaps our biggest thing keeping us from happiness is our holding onto pain, and not allowing ourselves to move in the direction of pleasure. Perhaps we are afraid of letting go our past hurts because of what we make them mean. We keep our pains rather than let them serve the purpose they exist: move us toward pleasures. If this is so, then the question, is why? Because we do not know how to move through, release and express our painful emotions. We do not see them as emotions; we see them instead as judgments, beliefs, and understandings of reality. “I feel grief” becomes… “I AM grieving”. “I feel angry” becomes… “I AM angry”. If happiness were as easy as choosing, many times we would have done it already. So in the end… it is not what happened to us that truly hurt us. It is what we make it mean, and our need to move through, let go, and learn. We can only do this by allowing our human nature to shine through the fabric of our being, to fully endow and express our emotions without fear.

Maybe to move through these things, we must have the courage to be fully honest with how we are feeling, and be open and receptive to how others are honestly feeling. Assuming they are being fully present and honest, this should illicit feelings of love and understanding, not defense and fear. At the root of all detrimental emotion is fear, but how we come to understand the other's fear is by learning to understand their pain.

We should not deny how we are feeling, no matter how painful... Even if we feel resistant, or numb, or even if we cannot define it! We accept exactly where we are. This is so important. However, we must be wise enough to dis-identify to see our emotions as the byproducts of interaction. This is what I mean by "holding onto pain"... we make our pain ours to keep, we let it define the experience of what we've been through.

Thinking late at night about such things has made me aware of my own pain. I was unable to indulge in happiness on many occasions growing up, as I was instead asked to self-sacrifice, clean the house, and give service to my primary caregiver. We look at our childhood events like this, and other's with a sense of "that was rough". And indeed, it is. That is the first step. But beyond, how do we learn to move on? We must develop an attitude of gratitude for what happened. How do we do this? By learning to separate our emotion from the experience of what happened. 

"It is perfectly reasonable I feel this way and I allow myself to feel what I am feeling."

Once we recognize and comfort our emotion, we can explain to it the reality of what was occurring. We recognize our own role first. In my case, this is: I was self-sacrificial to my primary caregiver by cleaning the house extensively, providing service to her, and becoming co-dependent because it was how I learned to receive love and stay "safe" as a child. Remember that lack of approval and acceptance means death as a child. Even biologically, this is true.

The next step is to look at the other's role. What was said that hurt me so badly? Why? What is the meaning that I assigned to it? Sometimes it's as simple as us believing other people's words. One example for me was: "I don't think I like your selfish behavior." 

What do I make this mean?

I make it mean that I am a selfish person.

I make it mean that I don't deserve love.

I make it mean that I am powerless to do things right.

But is that truly the reality of what occurred? No ones words can actually "make" you feel anything. Whether you pick up on energy or not, it is you that is still a match to experiencing such. It is what we make what happens to us mean that hurts us so badly. In reality, it was not my parent's comment that hurt me, but the conclusions that I drew. So looking at things more objectively, understanding the nature of projection and that others hurt people due to their own unmet needs (like our own!), what could've been the reality? It is often said that what we say of others says more about ourselves than them, which I won't say is completely the case 100% of the time, but it always depends on the scenario.

Anger/Shame:

Whether it be on a conscious or subconscious level, they feel great shame because they are not measuring up to the standard of being a good parent. But instead of feel that shame, they blame others to distract from their own. They called me what they themself felt and believed.

Pain:

My parent may've said those things in spite of my efforts to please them, because deep down they really wanted to feel like they were a good caring parent. But they are unable to fulfill their own needs, they cannot meet their children's. Their own pain is already too much for them to handle. 

Having to take care of another being who is in pain, when you have yet to resolve your own is difficult. We cannot offer the time, space, energy, we do not have for ourselves.

In reality, they may've actually been thinking, "I really want your love and approval. I want to feel like I'm not a failure. I cannot take care of your needs right now and it's easier for me to say you're selfish than admit to that." Yet, she is unable to admit to the reality of what has happened because, guess what? Responsibility is tough! More on responsibility later...

Powerlessness:

In reality, again with their own standard of parenthood, they may've been thinking instead, "I am so upset with the way my life is going and I feel like I've really screwed up. I have no control over what is happening. I'm desperate and scared and I want someone to save me." On a deeper level, they may've said I was selfish so that I'd feel guilty and cater to their needs so they wouldn't feel so alone and helpless.

And finally... Fear:

"If I'm not a good enough parent I will be scorned. I will not feel love and approval from society. I need love and approval." 

This is where societal norms and socialization is enhanced. In this case, selfishness is condemned and selflessness is glorified. This society also still works greatly in the reward-punishment style of parenting. In efforts to raise a 'good child' and therefore be perceived as a 'good parent' and feel a sense of acceptance and love, my parent may've been thinking, "I am raising an unselfish and caring person by calling them selfish."

It is some backwards logic, but we must remember that the mind works in this way. It will do anything it needs to feel a sense of assurance and survival.

Moving On

It is really hard to let go of anger and hurt... we can only do it when we are truly ready. We cannot force ourself into forgiveness. Forgiveness is ultimately something we give to ourself, not the other person. 

Moving on doesn't mean we are minimizing or dismissing what has happened. It acknowledges our own emotion, but equally acknowledges the reality of what truly occurred and why. It doesn't mean the person isn't still responsible for what happened, and it doesn't mean that we should condone anything that was likewise. It is recognizing our own role in the scenario, and becoming understanding to those who've hurt us. It is recognizing how we've hurt others, and moving on from that as well. 

Forgiveness is a level understanding that really can be achieved and leaves us with a sense of peace for the past. It is a higher understanding and love that we can embrace, but it should not be glorified as a means of dismissing our pains either.

Let your anger and pain out, then, let it go with the wind...