Sunny with A Chance of Escapism (Loving Decisions vs. Escapism)

Making loving decisions for the highest benefit are at the heart of true self-improvement. We experience contrast, negative circumstances and what is unwanted that give rise to our understanding of what we do want. Letting ourselves go in the direction of that is called self-love.

We hear and see that teachers will express profound, but albeit contradictory truths. These are relative to where someone is in life. Although both true in many cases, the factor of 'benefit' will depend on how that truth relates to the individual.

On one level, allowing ourselves to indulge in exactly what we need in the moment is self-loving as we are letting ourselves go in the direction of relief. On another level, some of these 'instant gratification' decisions come with unwanted drawbacks and there are greater loving decisions to be made.

How can we know if we are manifesting temporary relief, or making solid, life-changing, self-loving decisions? How can we distinguish a self-loving decision or one that employs emotional escapism?

First lets talk about escapism.

Escapism is to escape reality. If life is an emotional rollercoaster, escapism also means that you are escaping from the unwanted emotions in your life.

Why is this a problem? Escapism causes you to deny your negative emotions and suppress them, never really dealing with or confronting them. When these emotions aren’t dealt with, it’s like a pot that’s boiling over, which allows a plethora of other unhealthy ways of managing your emotions.

Many people make decisions that come with drawbacks to meet their needs. A person feels apathy toward life because they have adopted the beliefs:

My emotions are not valid and important.

From that space of emotional lack, they have a deep sense of emptiness and hopelessness. To escape this feeling, they do absolutely anything that will distract themselves and so they stay inside all day, do not take care of their body, and use substances that will induce alterations to their mind.

Or perhaps the reason we are driven to involve escapist strategies have more to do with treating the symptoms of our lower emotional states.

For instance, someone holds the core belief: I am not enough. To feel a sense of worth (based on their experience of socialization), they use productivity to feel value. They make decisions to feel a sense of value (i.e. taking on more than they can handle), and then the symptom emotion of stress appears. This causes them to smoke and drink to cope with their stress.

We cannot stop ourselves from wanting relief, nor can we force ourselves to make changes and decisions we are not yet ready for. I remember reading another blog a while back about a girl who binge-ate. This girl experienced incredible shame after doing so, but then to feel better she would eat more, and so the cycle repeated. Truth of it is, when we are already feeling terrible about ourselves, the last thing we need to do is add shame to the list. In this sense, accepting our decisions even if they are not yet the highest of self-loving choices, reliefs of us the added stress to change. We cannot punish ourselves into behavior that will benefit us (Teal Swan).

One question that comes up when we consider this scenario is: But what if we become too comfortable in our acceptance of 'where we are'? Children are not born wanting to live in states that come with drawbacks. It is through life and those events that occur, that makes such options seem like the only one that could offer possible relief. The human mind's primary drive is one to avoid pain and find pleasure. When people live in ways which are a detriment to them, it is because that is what they learned is safe. It may've felt unsafe for them mentally, emotionally, physically to move toward betterment.

People make the mistake of thinking that if someone hasn’t moved ahead in life, that they are content without any further expansion, but this is not the case. They are stuck because they are too afraid to continue their growth. They are stuck because even if some of these individuals give a façade, deep down they feel powerless to themselves and their lives. A disposition of acceptance and pride may in fact cover up for the deep lack of it.

Some people look at others who may feel stuck in life, apathetic, resistant to change and decide that they need to be pushed into better behavior. But this too may be detrimental. Would you want to do something because someone told you to ‘for your own good,’ or do something because you are inspired to do it? Pushing someone may get the desired action, but because it doesn’t feel good to be forced into something, the emotional space from which they were previously acting remains the same.

The first step for us... is to understand and accept where we are. 

I've found that many people, by learning to accept where they are and what feels like relief in that moment, do not become comfortable with living that way. They just reduce the stress and tension to change so that they may instead feel inspired. When they allow themselves relief, they will eventually find interest in what will feel like greater relief. Many times, this involves making decisions to change.

Ask yourself: 

Do I pile shame upon my already pre-existing negative vibration?

If I allowed myself to fully allow myself relief, even if the habits are not my end goal, what bad thing would happen?

If this is the most self-loving decision to where I am and what I feel in this moment, what can I do to allow myself to accept that action?

Does making this less than beneficial decision really detract from my worth as a person or the meaning of my life?

Then, when you do and are ready to make more solid changes from a state of inspiration and not force, ask yourself the following questions:

What are the underlying reasons that this decision (which comes with drawbacks) feels like the most self-loving decision I can make?

How can I give myself love and compassion for the underlying cause?

In what ways can I embrace a higher empowerment?

What are some small steps I can take?

It's important to not fall into the trap of the "never again." While for some this may work as a form of empowerment, and this is fine... for many of us it leads us into even greater shame if it does happen again. Instead, from your higher state, choose to fully understand and accept anywhere you are emotionally, and that you will take the steps that are aligned with self-love and self-care from that very vibration. The "never again" trap is one reason people relapse so dramatically and so frequently. They begin to shame themselves for taking poor action from a negative vibration and them start the entire process over again by feeding the root lower vibration (the one which began it all).

Remember: Your actions and decisions do not rule how in alignment you are with your life goals and your happiness, your emotions do.

...and at that, your suppressed emotions too. ;) 

Actions and decisions are only the symptoms or byproduct of our current vibration. Accept that whatever the behavior is, it may occur again and this is ok. Change always takes time. A storm must roll over until the sun may again shine.